Okay, so here's the deal. Beware, for a lengthy post lies ahead.

Back in late September, when I started getting sick, I started missing class quite frequently. I would wake up with headaches, and sometimes a fever, that were severe enough that it was all I could do to turn my alarm clock off before I collapsed back onto my futon. This would happen as many as three or four times a week for three weeks in a row. Usually once I had slept it off, usually meaning around about 1:00 in the afternoon, I would feel good enough that Advil would get me through marching band or handbells (the last things I have in the day, depending on whether it's MWF or TR). I explained this to the teachers that I felt would be willing to listen to me, but the others (business classes and environmental studies) didn't seem like the types that would be sympathetic so I just left them alone and never mentioned anything.

Anyway, these absences began really piling up and meanwhile I continued to get sicker, until finally it got bad enough that I had to seek a second opinion (if you'll recall the original diagnosis had to me that I did not have mono). This opinion confirmed that I did indeed have mono, and after that the illness kicked into full gear. I was essentially finished at this point. From that Friday until the next Thursday, I left my apartment three times: once for a funeral, once for a music rehearsal, and once more for food. I was in very, very bad shape. In addition to mono, I had developed a very severe sinus infection and therefore my lymph nodes and sinuses were working in such solid force against me that my breathing became very labored and difficult. In essence, I was rendered completely and utterly useless for nearly an entire week. It was only when I went to the doctor and they prescribed me a wonderful drug called "Prednizone" that I managed to make myself a functional part of the world at large once more.

However, the predizone came too late. By this point, I had failed every single one of my classes on absences, with the notable exceptions of marching band and handbells. So while it has been an educational experience for me this semester, it has also amounted to being a complete washout. Because Baylor's attendance policy is extraordinarily strict and leaves no room for leeway, a medical excuse is no good. I missed more than 25% of classes, and therefore I have failed. My options were to take the "F"s or to drop all of my classes as "Withdrew Failing." Obviously I chose the latter, but no way that's going to look good on my already tarnished transcript. Crud.

So anyway, I took the last of my Prednizone today, so tomorrow we'll see how much of my feel-good-ness has been drug induced and how much has been genuine. I feel like I'm at about 70% of normal, so on Monday I'll return to marching band for the first time in almost three weeks. I won't be the same crazy and wild guy I'm known for being, and that's sad because I like being that guy. I'm going to be fighting just to learn this show in time for the last game, and I'm going to have to do it without the aid of knowing that I'm working my hardest. Because I can't work my hardest for fear of breaking my spleen. This is why mono is evil.

Anyway, I've got three rehearsals left and I'm going to make the most of them. I'm going to be coming back to marching band next year, that's about a 90% certainty at this point. I've just got to hope that I'm able to catch up before this season ends.

Also, handbells is so very much fun. It's the best, in fact. Come play handbells, for it is cool. Or just come and watch us play, on December 1st at 5:30 in the afternoon in Roxy Grove Hall on Baylor campus. It's going to be tops. Or keen, if you will.

And lastly, I'm at Ben Cozad's house and that is neat.

Goodnight.

Hey there, everybody. I know it's been a long time since I've made an entry worth reading, and thanks to everybody who took the time to say so. I know it's probably just my ego talking, but it makes me smile a little when people mention this thing to me; I'm glad people take the time to read it and I appreciate it when people show further interest by reminding me that it's time to update. So thanks, everybody who has had something to say on the subject. I really was happy to hear from you.

As you might be able to tell by the entry I made earlier today, I've been having a rough few weeks. The sudden and violent departure on Kyle's part is taking a kind of emotional toll on me, and more than anything else it's because I never took advantage of having him around. Every time somebody close to me (or even someone not so close to me) dies, I always wish I had taken the time to know them better or make their life easier. Last semester, when I was fighting the whole "depression" thing, I was constantly thinking about calling Kyle and never did. At the end of the summer, when I emailed him asking forgiveness for disappearing at the end of last semester, he was more than gracious and mentioned that I should have called him. He invited me to call him for counseling this fall if I felt it would be helpful. I wanted to. I kept meaning to do it, and it was always, "I'll do it next week," and now I'll never get to.

I cried again tonight for the first time since Joe's funeral this summer. It was at the brief "togetherness" meeting at FBC Waco tonight in memory of Kyle. I didn't lose control this time, and I didn't feel the need to scream. I just saw the same things I saw this summer, and I remembered all over again how much love can find its way to one person. There was warmth and affection in the room. There was regret that the accident had happened, and there was sadness that we would not see Kyle again in this liftime. We'll miss him.

I feel trite talking about my own health right now, but for some reason I'm also feeling like I should say something about it. Every since my entries about being sick in September, I have kept telling myself I was feeling better when in reality I was really just feeling somewhere in between "crummy" and "no good." This Friday my dad and I went to the emergency room and had me tested and poked for awhile, and this time my mono test came back positive. So I have mono, and have likely had it for about five weeks now. So now I know why I can never seem to get enough rest and why I've been waking up with headaches for well over a month. At least we've solved that little riddle.

I'm calling Dr. Harris tomorrow.

Listening to - Gloria by Brave Saint Saturn

Gloria in excelsis deo
Glory
Too weak to wonder
Too tired to care
Jesus Christ, are you really there?

I've fallen down
Can't pull myself back up
I'm going to drown
Have mercy
Have mercy

Gloria in excelsis deo
Glory
I need you now
Not words or a feeling
But Jesus Christ
I've hit the ceiling

Your Love
Your Mercy
Your Light unending
Your Hope
Your Peace
Your Strength my heart is mending

Gloria in excelsis deo
Gloria
Glory
Glory

Kyle... oh man...

Kyle Lake, pastor of UBC here in Waco (my church) passed away today after an accident involving an electrical shock during a baptism.

I don't know what I should be doing right now.

Kendall Payne is awesome, and so is Bebo Norman.

It's a good day.

Listening to - Superstar by Kendall Payne

Man, I'm kinda moody sometimes. Those are some bitter entries back there. Please try not to step in the bitterness.

So I called Apple yesterday, and they had nothing to offer me in terms of fixing my computer aside from sending it back to California. So Cozad (who is awesome) went with me to the Apple store in Dallas in an attempt to get an Apple technician to look at it and give me a solution/diagnosis. They had nobody there who could help me, and they also let me know that my warranty had expired. Go figure.

We tried CompUSA, and they were no help either. So it was essentially a pointless trip to Dallas. But it did get me out of Waco for a few hours, and that was cool.

So now my PowerBook is at the Baylor computer repair shop awaiting help from a guy who was reading the iMac manual when I walked in. There is a three day wait right now, so I won't be seeing my computer until at least Tuesday. And even then there's not a very good chance I'll be getting my data back.

BUT

The Brian David Band is performing tonight, and it's going to be fantastic. So be there.

Listening to - Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie

My hard drive died today. This is bad. Very very bad.

If one more thing goes wrong today, I'm out. I'm done. Gas prices be damned, I'm going to Seattle. Or Boston. Or Denver. Wherever the crap I want to go that isn't here, where there's heat, school, broken computers, and mono-like illnesses. I'm desperately yearning for a last straw, but I'm terrified at the same time.

Now I have to fix my trumpet.

I started reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts last night.

And now I'm beginning to wonder, "What's keeping me at Baylor this semester? What would happen if I dropped all of my classes, packed up my Explorer, and disappeared until January?"

I know it sounds impulsive, but I'm giving this some serious thought. This illness has put me seriously behind in every one of my classes, and now I'm feeling completely swamped and a little afraid that I'm repeating the same mistakes I've made every semester so far at Baylor. The only thing I've ever done about this problem is panic and try to catch up, only to find that I'm too far behind and then have to settle for a very sub-par GPA. So what would happen if I just escaped? Ducked out?

Some problems:
No Baylor refund at this point. I have wasted a whole lot of money if I leave. All my classes would end up as "DP" or "DF" and I think a few teachers wouldn't understand why I'm leaving and would give me a "DF" (dropped failing).
I'm still pledging and would have to stop in mid-stream, probably not leaving very many friends in the process.
I would burn some bridges with marching band people.
Mrs. David would not be happy with me for leaving the handbell choir.

I probably won't do it. But I want to so badly. I just can't let everybody down. But then I think how I could just put my snowboard, my computer, and my clothes in my car, and just start driving north with no destination in mind. Lay my seats flat and get a nice sleeping bag. Just DRIVE for goodness sake, until I run out of money... no need to go above the speed limit, no destination or deadline to meet... it would be the first time in my life I would have real freedom. Probably the only time.

But I know I can't do it. I'm here, and here I will remain. And I can't do it in the spring because of Costa Rica, and I'll need to work next summer so that I can afford to do whatever it is I need to do in the fall... this will forever be a pipe dream.

I started this entry thinking I would do this and I just talked myself out of it. How depressing.

Rescue by the David Crowder Band

Today, I put my pants on both legs at once. I held them up a little ways in front of me, jumped into the legs and landed on the "knees" of the pants. I then jumped again and pulled the pants on the rest of the way. For some reason, I felt very empowered after having done this. If I had lucky rocketship underpants to wear, I would be pretty much unstoppable today. And if you can tell me where "lucky rocketship underpants" comes from, I'll give you a shiny quarter.

(phi mu)alphabetagammadeltaepsilonzetaetathetaiotakappa-
lambamunuxiomicronpirhosigmatauupsilonphichipsiomegaSIR!
*blows out match*

Listening to - Mars by Gustav Holt (recorded by the Berlin Philarhomnic, Herbert von Karajan conducting)

Okay, for real. This is the last time I'm talking about this.

The medical center at Baylor has no idea what I have/had. All they know is I don't have mono, and I don't have strep throat. I win ten dollars. Hooray ten dollars. So I'm just supposed to keep taking antibiotics and Advil for the next several days and hopefully symptoms won't come back. Which is fine with me.

Onto other things. Here's some fatastic things about this week:

On Monday night, I got to hear Donald Miller speak. Anybody who has spent significant time around me has probably heard me talk about this guy or his book (Blue Like Jazz). He's an amazing writer; give him a try, he'll blow you away. He came to Baylor this week, and on Monday he spoke in chapel and did a book reading in the SUB later that night. He read an essay about growing up without a father, and it was one of the funniest things I've heard in my life. It was great. I love that guy.

Shaun Groves was supposed to be in Waco today, but then there was a hurricane in Houston. He'll be here on November 4th instead. Mark your calendars.

David Crowder Band's CD release party is on Monday, and I heard them practicing today. It's going to be an outstanding show.

I had custard today, and it was good.

I like handbells.

People are having alcohol tonight, but I'm going to pass. I'm going to keep my health complications down to a minimum for now. No need to bring my liver into it when my spleen almost staged a revolt on Tuesday. The last thing I need is a bioligical mutiny.

Listening to - Do Not Move by the David Crowder Band

Some fun facts about my illness. This is the last you'll hear about it (until tomorrow when I find out what the diagnosis is).

Normally, one's white blood cell count is in between 4,000 and 11,000. Meaning 11,000 is above average; it's high. 11,000 is a lot.

Yesterday, my white blood cell count was measured at 26,600. So my immune system was kicking into super-high gear. The nurse who called me to tell me about the results seemed very impressed at my immune system, and even though I have no control whatsoever over that, I still felt a little proud.

While I was at health services yesterday, I had a fever of 103.5 degrees. This had me alternating between freezing and sweating all day. I was shivering while driving to Wal-Mart, even though it was in the nineties and I had the windows open. Later, while I was getting some doctor-prescribed bedrest, I produced enough sweat to soak through a pair of pajama pants, an undershirt, and my friggin' comforter. Seriously, it was like I had just taken the thing out of the washing machine, except instead of being springtime fresh it was sweaty and decidedly unfresh. If you're disgusted reading about it, then take the opportunity to realize that this story had to happen in order for it to be told. Needless to say, my night was not exactly improved.

So anyway, as I implied earlier, I don't know what I have yet. My blood test came back negative for mono, so that's a good thing. Right now they're thinking it's a bacterial infection of some kind, and my friend Kim is of the opinion that it's strain B of strep throat. There's ten dollars on the line, so I hope that she's wrong and I can win some cash off of this thing. That'd be sweet. And it would pay for my antibiotics!


Real quick, some bad news (just to preface the good news, thereby making for a light at the end of the tunnel): I still have a headache if I move too fast, and my throat is still sore enough to keep me from singing. I also can't get my appetite back, and that bugs me. I ordered some of my favorite food from Chili's today and could barely even start it. Frustrating.

On the much brighter side of things, my muscles and joints are no longer sore, my fever is gone, and I'm not confined to my bed anymore. This is all very good. I've spent most of my day inside anyway to avoid the heat, but having the option/energy to move around at all is pretty exciting after yesterday.

Thanks again for the comments/emails/IMs/facebook messages, everybody. I felt loved yesterday, that's for certain. You guys are great.

Okay, time to work on PowerPoint for church.

Listening to - A Beautiful Collision by the David Crowder Band

I hate being sick.

I realize that nobody likes being sick, so this is kind of an obvious statement to make to begin with. But really, I hate it. I feel like my body has failed me and I am now weaker as a person because my immune system couldn't handle whatever it is that has lodged itself into my body.

I get sick, on average, about once every year and a half or so. There's the occasional headache here and there, sure, and perhaps a few upset stomachs, but it's usually stuff I'm able to pull through without it affecting my daily life. But this morning, for the second time since I've been in college, I was incapacitated. I couldn't move without feeling a muscle or a joint complain bitterly about what I was forcing it to do. My throat felt as dry as the Sahara and as sore as an Aggie fan who is forced to admit defeat. My head was apparently having a bypass construced through it, and I was feeling every single workman tromp around in there with each successive throb. Altogether not a pleasant "how do you do" to start the day.

So I missed all of my classes today and went to the health center. They took two throat swabs and two blood samples. I was negative for Type A strep, and I'll find out tomorrow whether I have some other kind of strep or possibly mono.

Listening to - Foreverandever Etc. by the David Crowder Band

You know something sad?

I was doing my "rounds" just now, checking online journals. I checked my own blog for updates.

Oi.

Listening to - Till There Was You recorded by Etta Jones

Pretty much everywhere I went today, I was singing out loud. And everywhere I sang, people smiled. I'm not quite so egotistical as to think that they were smiling because they particularly enjoyed my voice or song selection, though. I think people just like it when somebody's singing.

Listening to - Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head recorded by Ben Folds

So I went to a wine and cheese get-together last night. Easily the weirdest party invitation I have ever received. And the people there drank a LOT of wine. Made for a fun evening, even if I only did have four glasses or so.

Also, my Lambrusco was gone in about twenty minutes. I guess it was a pretty popular choice. Hooray for me bringing a popular wine.

On another note, if you're a girl, and you think I've been hitting on you in the past couple of weeks and are now being awkward about it, I'm going to tell you right now that you're wrong. There's been a rash of weird girl behavior around me lately, and it's only been since I've stopped trying to pursue anybody. So give up on the idea that I'm stuck on you somehow, stop flattering yourself, and everybody just calm down a little bit. Right now pretty much everybody is safely in the "friends" camp, and if this starts to change, you'll figure it out pretty quick. I'm not a trap setter. If I like you, I'll pursue you outright. If I don't, I won't.

But enough about that. Here's a dancing Spider-Man:



Listening to - Delicate by Damien Rice

First off, thanks to all the people who have been responding to last week's entry and all of the encouraging stuff that's been thrown my way. I like to think I'm pretty self-sufficient most of the time, but the fact is I rely on the people around me way more than I allow myself to think. As was evidenced by last week's entry about loneliness. So the instant messages and comments have been appreciated.

In other news, the Brian David Band made the off-campus performance of After Dark. That was the news I was so excited about a while back but didn't want to ruin. The profits from the show will go to benefit Waco High's music program. So let's hear it for the kids. Everybody come and see us! The show will be on September 29th in the Hippodrome theater, so if you're going to be in Waco be sure to be there. It'll be fantastic.

On the topic of my brother, things are looking up a little bit there. Turns out he just had a really hectic week, and in the midst of him suddenly changing schools and commuting from Fort Worth, and my dad having his own stuff going on, the whole "letting John know about the arrangement" fell through the cracks. Moral of the story: it's not all about me. I really should have picked that up back when I was ten, like the rest of the well-adjusted world of happy and mature adults.

Okay, I'm laughing at myself a little bit right now after re-reading all of the stuff I've just typed. Apparently I've put myself in kind of a bad mood, because everything here tha was meant to be optimistic always manages to have a little raincloud trying to sneak into the sunshine. Good thing bedtime is coming.

As much as I'm not in the state of mind to pursue a relationship right now, I still wouldn't mind having somebody to cuddle with every now and again. Anybody need a cuddle buddy?

Listening to - Mess by Tristan Prettyman

Ed is an amazing show.

I'm still catching up on the episodes that I had my DVR box record over the summer, and I just finished the one recorded on June 10th.

This One

Now I really want to read Walden.

Listening to - Here Is Our King by David Crowder

I felt lonely today for the first time in a very long while.

I'm probably just being a tad bit oversensitive or something, but it was weird. If I had to speculate, it would be a combination of things including (but not limited to) the following:

1. I found out today that my older brother is a student at Truett Seminary and has been attending classes here in Waco for almost a week. I have received no phone call from my brother asking me what's up or if I would like to go to lunch or anything like that. Seriously, what is that?

2. For the first time in about five years, I am completely romantically unattached. I'm not pursuing (nor even really that interested in) anybody at the moment, my last relationship came to an effective end almost three months ago, and this is just strange for me. I imagine that this is probably a healthy thing, I'm just not sure what to make of it at the moment. So there's that.

3. Within the space of fifteen minutes, I went from being at an emotional high to having the base of said high ripped out from underneath me. I got off stage after our band's After Dark audition, feeling absolutely spectacular about our audition, and then after Farris and I finished unloading stuff at my apartment I was completely alone. I figured I'd have no problem finding somebody to do something with, but everywhere I turned people were either a) in bed, b)talking to their girlfriends on the phone, or c) not answering their phones. So the combination of these individuals being unavailable, through no fault of their own, caused me to come to a point where I suddenly felt like I was completely devoid of real relationships with my friends.

Obviously, this isn't true. As was evidenced by Nick IMing me when I got back, Cozad coming and talking to me for a half an hour before going to bed, and a few other folks dropping me a line regarding my away message. I've got friends, for some reason I just only have a few that I feel like I can call up whenever and ask them to do stuff with me. And most of them wouldn't have been up for a late night drive-and-chat anyway, so I just happened to be out of luck on this one occasion. Moral of the story? I should probably stop whining.

Oh, and I almost died on Wednesday. Seriously.

Listening to - Evaporated by Tristan Prettyman

My snowboard is leaning up against the wall, looking like a sad and neglected pet. Cheer up, little guy, Christmas is coming.

Be on the lookout for the Brian David Band. We're going to have an awesome fall.

You know, I'm not the most athletic kid around by any means, but I do love a good game of volleyball. It just makes me feel good.

Band week is here, and I'm pretty dang stoked. For some reason I was all pessimistic last week, and now here I am running around and being all hyper as though this was my first time on leadership or something. I really love this band. I got really excited talking to some kid's parents today and started talking incredibly fast until I finally had to just stop and breathe. I'm just that excited about band. Thank God, too, because I needed to be excited about something that didn't involve hot dog vending.

I'm exhausted and have an early morning ahead, so I'm gone. Leave me comments and love.

Listening to - Celebrity by the Barenaked Ladies

Jaylene Jones is awesome and everybody should take her sweets and flowers.

We have a new kitchen table at last. Let's hear it for end-of-summer sales at Wal-Mart and incredibly cheap college students.

[edit, Nov 23 2010: the picture is gone, but it used to be a plastic picnic table sitting in the kitchen of 114]

I have just clocked out for the last time, and now I'm going back to the Worthley's house to pack.

Summer is officially over.

Augh... I just wrote this really long farewell email to all of the employees of the bank, and now I'm getting responses and it's getting me all emotional. I'm going to miss my co-workers.

I'll be in Waco around mid-afternoon on Tuesday, so if anybody wants to do dinner let me know.

Wow. Three entries in one day. Guess I'm a geek.

But would a geek be driving THIS?



The answer, of course, is no. We all knew that.

So on a scale of 1 to 10, my summer job rates at approximately "The Best in the Universe." Yesterday I got to take the car shown above to get it washed so that it would look nice and pretty for the final month of the Switch to Legacy campaign before we gave it away. And since the local park is so very close to the carwash... of course you understand my dilemma. I couldn't very well let a perfectly good photo opportunity get away. So I got some pictures. Hooray.

See the rest of my photos!

Quote of the Day
My dad, starting a story: "Years ago, before it was illegal..."
Me: "All great stories begin this way."

Listening to - Blue Mix by Five Iron Frenzy

As my last customer of the day reminded me, I have at last found something about Hinton I will most certainly not miss. To all of the mothers of daughters in my church, I address the following comment:

I do not wish to marry your daughter. If this changes in the near future, I will be sure to do something about it, but for now it is safe to assume that I am simply not interested. Your concern for my matrimonial state of being has been duly noted and will be added to our records. Thank you for holding, have an excellent day.

Okay, for some reason Blogger was removed from the filtered sites. Hooray.

Wow, it's amazing how un-ready I am for summer to be over. There was a time, not so long ago, when I didn't mind when summer ended. These were the summers when I was in Waco and waiting for my friends to come back so that we could play. Now, I've been playing all summer and don't see why school should have to start and cause the playing to end. I like to play.

I suppose it will be good to get back, though. While it's been fun hanging around with high schoolers and old people all summer, I guess I should probably spend time with people who are my age. This will, however, mean my "fun quotient" could possibly be reduced greatly. No more weekly volleyball, no more band to drum with, and no more junior high kids who will just automatically assume that I'm cool. But then, there will once again be lunches after church, bowling with the K-Psi sweetheart, theme days in marching practice (and the subsequent return of the hilarious togas), and other such magical things.

A funny thing happened just now, as I sat here typing: it started to rain, and everybody got really excited. It's been kind of a dry summer, you see, and that's been bad for the local crops. And in these parts, if you're not a farmer then you've got a good friend who is. So when it starts to rain, you start feeling good. You can smile because your friends who are farming can relax for another day or two and not have to worry about when it's going to rain. So in Waco, when it rains, I always get excited and 80% of my friends will start complaining, and the rest of them want to go outside and romp around. I just like to sit and smile. And now I remember why.

But anyway, that was a completely unusual tangent about weather. Usually I don't like talking about weather, because I feel like a failure as a conversationalist since everybody talks about the weather. I should probably get over that.

Since I can't listen to music...

Humming - How Great is Our God by Every Praise Band in Existence

Today is sad. For today, Blogger was added to the filtered sites at my work. I can only get ten minutes of time to write entries, and I am just not that fast of a thinker. I'm not a rusher of processes, you see.

Customers await. Away I must go.

I tell you, when I first came to college I would have sworn up and down that I was a conservative and a Republican. Now, here we are, three years later, and I don't even think I can classify myself anymore.

http://www.politicalcompass.org/

I took this test after my freshman year of college and landed directly in the center of the compass. Neither left nor right, neither for nor against control of the government. I was the most opinionated ambivalent person you would ever have met.

Today, in between customers, I took the test again, and found that I had moved slightly (very slightly) towards libertarianism and anarchism. But only by about a half a point. I can't find the link, but I took another quiz before the last election and found that I agreed with Kerry on just as many issues I agreed with Bush. Point being: I am a male registered voter between the ages of 18-24 (supposedly a very important demographic, TV tells me), and I am apparently an undecided voter. So why on earth am I not getting more free stuff from politicians who want me to vote for them? I think I'm entitled to a little bribery every now and again, and so I would like to collect.

Politicians, convince me.

I have decided to do yet another redesign of my blog. While I'm working on the new one, I'll go ahead and use this Blogger-made template to remind me to get it done quickly. Word.

So here I am, working at the bank. Every few days, it occurs to several of us at the exact same moment that it is time to get something to eat. Since we can't all leave for lunch at the same time, occasionally we will all just get together and order some carryout and send one person to bring it back to us.

Yesterday was one such day.

We decided that we would have Mexican food, and that our restaurant of choice would be Hinton's own El Charro Mexican Eatery. So I sent an email out to the group of employees called "Hinton," which in theory contains all of the employees of the Hinton branch and not anybody else. The email simply said that we would be having El Charro and that anybody who would like to place an order could simply email me back.

Now, every email we send is accompanied by a little flag that sends a "read receipt" when someone has opened your message. Very handy for knowing when your emails are being read and when they are not.

After sending my email, I received read receipts from everybody at the Hinton branch who was at work that day. I also received receipts from the following people:

Dave (marketing guy, stationed in Oklahoma City)
Brad (computer guy, also in Oklahoma City)
Terry (executive guy, who is not only in Oklahoma City but has never in fact worked in Hinton)
My dad (also an executive guy, who is also in Oklahoma City)
Pepper (works in Binger)

Pepper emailed me to ask if I would deliver to Binger. I almost sent an email saying, "Yes, but it will cost you eight hundred dollars." But then I figured that was way too much to charge and decided to simply say, "No, but you are more than welcome to come pick it up." We shared a laugh. It was magnificent.

http://www.legacybank.com/winwin/

We're so awesome.

"God does not play dice with the universe: he plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players (i.e., everyone else), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

-from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Best. Summer. Ever.

So I haven't said much (if anything) about it here, but I have been teaching myself to play the trapset/drumkit/drumset/whatever the crap you want to call it this summer. The story:

My old youth group at First Baptist Church of Hinton has had a pretty decent praise band going for the past year, thanks in large part to the amazing efforts of Jessica Boling (guitar player/bank teller/youth). In fact, forget the "decent" part. With the people available to her, Jessica has managed to put together a group that is downright impressive. However, there has been one hitch.

Their drummer became a bit unreliable towards the end of the school year, and as of the beginning of the summer he had practically disappeared entirely. He had a tendency to skip practice but still expected to be allowed to perform with the group. On a couple of the occasions when he wasn't there for practice or the performance, I decided to pull out the water jug/egg shaker combo and Jessica was kind enough to let me play with the group. This sound, however, simply was not a good match for the group as it had been assembled. The musicians were used to something with a little more edge than a makeshift djembe being played by a third-rate percussionist.

So I spent some time learning the trapset. And I like it. A whole lot. (random side note: I don't know why drummers are so hard to find; it's so much fun to play, you'd think everyone would want to) Obviously, I'm not that great at it; I can only do a couple of different beats and my fills are, at best, inconsistent. But at least I'm havin' fun.

Anyway, last week we went to Falls Creek (http://www.fallscreekok.org), and I got to play every stinkin' day of the week. That was so much fun.

So yes... I like to drum.

I have Texan friends. They are a proud little cult. They take pride in the fact that they are the second biggest state in nation, and they take greater pride in the fact that they were once a country that was so poor they were unable to issue currency. I do not understand the state pride of your average Texan.

And so it comes a very small surprise that every time I read a xanga, Facebook profile, or some other type of documentation regarding one of these friends that involves them leaving the state, one of the first things mentioned is "this is so much cooler than what we have in Texas" or "the weather here is so much better than Texas" or anything like that. I have learned that many Texans don't leave their state very often; several of my friends have, in fact, never left Texas, and still claim that it is the best place on earth. So I like seeing that the ones who do leave find the truth.

Texas is a good place. I like going to school there. But I don't think I'll ever be able to live there on a permanent basis. They have a superiority complex about their superiority complex; it grows tiring.

Iowa is awesome.

I am now going to encourage comment-posting. Don't everybody flee at once.

1. Where did we meet?:
2. Take a stab at my middle name:
3. How long have you known me?:
4. When is the last time we saw each other?:
5. Do I smoke?:
6. Do I believe in God?:
7. When you first saw me what was your impression?:
8. My age?:
9. Birthday?:
10. Color hair?:
11. Color eyes?:
12. Do I have any siblings?:
13. Have you ever been jealous of me?:
14. What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors?:
15. What's one of my fav. things to do indoors?:
16. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?:
17. What's my favorite type of music?:
18. What is the best feature about me?:
19. Am I shy or outgoing??:
20. Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic?:
21. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?:
22. Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintance, or a good friend?:
23. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else? :
24. Have you ever seen me cry?:
25. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?:
26. Are my parents still together?:
27. If I had broccoli stuck in my teeth would you tell me?:
28. Do I drink and/or do drugs?
29. What is my worst fear?
30. Are you going to post this and see what I say about you?

I just went into the music store to buy some drumsticks.

But the mandolin was so cheap...

I really need to stop thinking that I know what I'm doing.

So I've enjoyed working at the bank this summer. A whole lot. I feel welcome. It's like my family has just grown by about 160 people or so (that would be the approximatenumber of Legacy employees at the present moment). When I screw up, people laugh. When I'm too busy to do something, whoever is asking me simply says they'll try somebody else or that we'll worry about it later (as opposed to glaring at me or making me feel like trash). When other people mess up, they accept responsibility. And when it's funny, they laugh at themselves.

And, most importantly, nobody tries to make me feel guilty for being Steve Carmack's son. If you don't understand what I mean by that, ask me.

So I've made some decisions over the past few weeks. Not that they mean anything, because knowing me I'll change my mind again in a semester or two, but for now here's the plan.

I will not finish the church music program at Baylor. Instead, I will change to a Bachelor of Arts with an emphasis in music. What this does for me is remove the "performing ensemble" requirement from my degree plan and thus removes me from a great deal of music-school-politics. It removes the recital attendance requirement. It removes one of the music history classes as well as the Piano IV requirement.

It adds a few classes that even out the courseload and leave me with the same number of hours to graduate, but that's where the other part of the plan enters.

When I am two semesters away from graduation with my BA Music degree, I will apply for admission to the Business school. The core classes I will add with my BA will round out my admission requirements. I will then enter either the Economics or the Finance department and will be only 15 hours away from graduation with one of those degrees.

Thus, I will graduate from Baylor with both a BA and a BBA. Two seperate degrees. And it will only add two more semesters to my undergrad than I had already planned on. From there I will likely go to graduate school for either Finance or Economics.

Why do I want to do this? Because I want to work for Legacy Bank.

So why the music degree? Because I can.

72 hours and a semester in Costa Rica to go. Works out to three more years at Baylor if I don't overload myself. I think I can handle that.

Listening to - Joyful by the David Crowder Band

Today, I woke up at six thirty in the morning to the very sudden and very violent realization that my body was deciding to reject the pizza I had for dinner last night. So I went through the rejection process, looked at the clock, and knew that it was entirely too early in the morning to be sick. So I went back to bed until ten.

I decided that I would take advantage of all of the spare time I had today and take a very long time getting ready to go out into the world. I took a bath rather than a shower, I combed my hair all nice-like and then I stayed in my room long enough to let it airdry while reading some online journals. It looked good. For that brief moment, I was sexier than Matt Damon. Or Danny DeVito. But then I stepped outside, and the "poof" my hair made as it went back to poofiness could probably be heard in the lobby of my hotel. Rats.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling very "appetitious" (or "hungry" for those who don't understand made up words), but I figured I should try to force myself to eat something anyway. I went to a little Italian bistro, and even though I felt very classy I still could not bring myself to eat. So I thanked my waitress anyway, paid, and left.

It was shortly after this that I found the photo gallery.

I had never heard of Thomas Mangelsen before today, but I am glad I've heard of him now. There was some amazing stuff in this gallery... I was in awe. If I didn't have tuition to worry about, I would have bought one of the larger-sized prints of one of his bear photos. Or maybe the one with the rainstorm over the mountains... that one was cool. Or the great grey owl in Minnesota. You see my dillema?

Anyway, I found a poster that was a mid-quality reproduction of one of his bear shots and bought it for dad for father's day. This one:



The caption reads "Life's a Bear." I figured it would make a good start on decorating his new office. It's pretty massive, though, so I called Lorie to let her know to start looking for a frame.

Only a couple more hours before I leave for the stadium. Yippee.

So here I am in Omaha. Wooooohoo for insomnia!!

Anyway, my hotel is right in downtown and all of the bars/pub/lounges/clubs/late night coffeehouses are only a couple of blocks from here, so I decided I'd go check it out. While doing this, I made three mistakes.

1) I walked into the bar that was poorly lit that had loud techno music playing. Why was I drawn to the techno music? Because Kansas (where I had spent most of my driving day) has only three kinds stations: Talk, country, and contemporary Christian. Finally hearing a strong beat that made me want to nod my head in rhythm drew me in like a fat man encountering his first Krispy Kremes. The bar turned out to be a Coyote Ugly wannabe-type place, where they had their "hot" (no) female bartenders dress in very tight clothing in order to attract loads and loads of single desperate men who think they have a shot with said "hot" (no) bartenders.

2) I was genuinely friendly to the "hot" (no) bartender. I ordered my Long Island iced tea, looked her in the eye, and smiled. So she gave me some extra vodka in my drink. Given that I have minimal (at best) experience with alcoholic beverages, I knew that extra vodka would be exactly something I wouldn't want. But it was too late; she had poured the drink, and winked her wink, and I was left to let it sink. Golly, I'm clever.

3) In my desperation to get out of there, I drank my long island iced tea entirely too fast just before remembering that I hadn't eaten in about nine hours. But I was not (yet) feeling any sort of effects at that point, so I chose then to stand up and leave.

I walked about a block over to a coffee shop where I heard some funky R&B music playing. I stepped inside too late to notice that doing so made me the only white person in the room who wasn't wearing an apron. But I was commited at this point, and I knew I would need some caffeine very shortly, so I went ahead and got myself a mocha. I sat down just as I was started to get a little lightheaded.

I listened to the music, which was really quite good, and chugged my coffee. By the time I was halfway through the cup of coffee, I realized I was moving to the music while sitting in my chair. Nothing too embarrassing, just nodding a little bit while making a weird face and closing my eyes. I stopped, but it was too late; I'd been spotted by the lady on the other side of the couches. She laughed. The loud kind of laugh that reminds me of movies like "Beauty Shop" and "The Bar-B-Q." Not that I've seen those movies, but I was reminded of them. So I finished my coffee, tipped the band, and left.

Well, I say "left" as though it were one smooth motion. In reality I stood up, looked down at myself, looked at the band, looked at the laughing woman, looked at the coffee bar, looked outside, looked at myself again, then the band, then myself, then my back pocket, then my wallet, then my money, then the money jar for the band, and then the money I decided to put in the jar, and then the door, then myself again, then I started to walk out.

It was then that I knew I would not be having anything else to drink tonight.

So I went by a pizza place that was still open, had a nice filling meal and a pleasant, coherent conversation with my waitress as the effects started wearing off, and then walked back to the hotel. And that pretty much brings us up to date. Not the most interesting nor is it the funniest "night on the town" story you will ever hear, but it is the only one I've got. Huzzah and all that jazz. Tomorrow is baseball. Hooray baseball.

Listening to - Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

Stolen from Phil:

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:

Five Iron Frenzy

Are you male or female: Kitty Doggy
Describe yourself: All That is Good
How do some people feel about you: It's So Hot (I'm Gonna Have a Heat Stroke)
How do you feel about yourself: At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys
Describe where you want to be: Oh Canada
Describe what you want to be: Most Likely To Succeed
Describe how you live: The Greatest Story Ever Told
Describe how you love: Something Like Laughter
Share a few words of wisdom: You Probably Shouldn't Move Here

In the past two weeks, I have been to these places in this order:

Hinton
Marlow
Duncan
Marlow
Duncan
Hinton
Duncan
Waco
Duncan
Hinton
Frederick
Duncan
Oklahoma City
Hinton
Oklahoma City
Weatherford
Hinton

In the next week, I will go to the following places, in this order.

Binger
Omaha, Nebraska
Binger
Hinton
Elk City
Hinton
Elk City
Hammon
Elk City
Hammon
Weatherford
Hinton

SWITCH TO LEGACY! WOOOOOO!

http://www.switchtolegacy.com

I went to a funeral today. A funeral for Joe Lutz, a fifteen year old high school student in Hinton who was to be next year's co-Drum Major for the marching band.

When I wrote my entry on Sunday, I had forgotten a few things.

When I was a senior in high school, Joe's older brother Ryan played baritone in our marching band. So Joe, who was in sixth grade, always knew when the marching band was supposed to be at the field.

So every Friday night, Joe dutifully showed up at the same time as all of the high schoolers so that he could watch us practice before the games. After we were done with our pre-game rehearsal, Joe would walk up to anybody who would look at him and ask, "Can I help? Can I carry your case? What can I do?"

He was an eager guy. And because of that, he always got a great feeling of joy when he would get to carry fifteen instrument cases from the practice field to the bleachers. On more than one occasion he even carried the drum major stand for Josh Buxton and me. And it was always with a smile on his face. I'm sure he embarrased the tar out of Ryan, but I'm equally sure that this probably didn't bother him that much.

Joe was my brother Josh's best friend. They only started spending time with each other just before I left for college, so I never really got to see them interact. From what I'm told by my dad and Lorie, Joe's encouragement of Josh is part of what has given Josh the strength and confidence he needed to make it through his first year in a new school where he didn't have any friends. No small feat for a boy who was only fourteen at the time.

I thought I was going to be fine about all of this. I don't often wear my emotions on my sleeve.

When I went to the funeral today, which had to be in the school auditorium rather than the church (due to the large number of people who had come to remember Joe), I began to feel... shaky. Not nervous, just shaky. I looked onstage and saw that my dad was up there with Scott Hamilton (pastor of First Baptist Church of Hinton) and Dwayne Pate (youth minister). I hadn't known that dad was going to speak.

Several people got up to say things about Joe, and while that was hard for me, I never really got past that "welling up" feeling you get when your emotions start running on overdrive. It was when dad got up... oh goodness...

Now, you have to understand, I have never seen my dad express any emotion besides love, disappointment/anger, or sarcastic humor. I have never seen him cry. When dad began to speak, he didn't break down, but I definitely heard him start to lose control a couple of times.

I lost it.

If I had been alone, I would have been wailing. All I could think about was how wrong it all was. I know that Joe is a heck of a lot better off where he is now than when he was here, but dammit, EVERYBODY liked this kid. What happened on Sunday caused a beautiful person to be taken from this world before he even had the chance to show how much better he could make the place. I wanted to find a quiet room and bury my head in a pillow so that I could sob until I just didn't have anything left. But I had to stay, and I had to stay composed. So I just held my breath and let the tears flow. God, this isn't right.

Josh was one of the bearers. A fifteen year old kid should never have to carry his best friend's casket. There should be no caskets for fifteen year olds.

I saw men cry today. Big men. Strong men. Men who I thought could remain stoic through any tragedy faced by the world. The kind of men who would stand like rocks if they were facing the devil himself. I happened to see Nathan after the service; his eyes were red. I looked at Josh. I lost it again. Nathan almost did too.

On the way to the cemetery for the graveside service, "My Father's House" came on the radio. Joe's favorite song. Once more, I lost control. That song is just too danged appropriate for today.

There was love everywhere today. Nobody was petty. Nobody fought. Everybody just wanted to let everybody else know how great Joe was.

Joe would probably wonder what all the fuss was about.

Listening to - All That I Have Sown by Bebo Norman

Joe Lutz, I didn't know you very well, but everything I knew, I liked.

You'll be missed, buddy.

Wow. It's been a long two weeks (and a few days).

I'm working in the drive through teller area right now, and it's not busy in the least. For some reason, Blogger isn't filtered by the Websense box and therefore typing here does not count against my sixty minutes of "Personal Time" that I'm allowed on the internet per day. And so I here I sit, blogging like a madman between phone calls and customers.

I've spent some time reading other folks' online journals, just because I've been thinking about my Baylor friends in the past few days. And I've noticed a major fundamental difference in small town life and university life. At Baylor, people get mad at each other. Not that people in Hinton don't get mad, it's just that people at Baylor get nasty about it. The things people do to each other and say about each other... they can destroy somebody. I'm not at all saying I'm above any of it, because I've been just as guilty of it if not more. I've spent three years in Waco with only the occasional return to Hinton (never more than a day or two), and it has had a detrimental effect on who I am. I am mean. I am spiteful. I talk badly about people who have done nothing to me. I make attempts to obliterate people who have done something to me. And I do it all with a smile on my face and a song in my heart; there is something horribly wrong with that picture. This kind of thing, for awhile, was fun for me. That is awful.

I've now returned to Hinton, where people remember me as the person I was in high school. Kinda nerdy, a little strange, but in general a pretty nice guy. Nobody here knows me all that well; most older folks know me as "Steve's boy (the younger one)" or "the banker's kid." People still in high school or those who are freshly graduated know me by association, they know who I am and for the most part what I do, but ninety-five percent of the people who encounter me have never had a deeper conversation with me than "Hi, how've you been, what's your major, when do you graduate, have a nice day." These people like me. Not because I've never done anything mean to them or because I've done something nice for them, they just like me because they're good people who like other people. I don't have to earn a smile, because by golly it's just what you do. Now, this isn't the case all of the time; there's the occasional angry teenager or grumpy old person, but for the most part the above description is a good summary of my personal encounters with the people of Hinton.

This will have an effect on a person. I've noticed that I don't have to force a smile when I say hello to people anymore. I just smile. I never noticed that I was forcing until I didn't have to anymore, oddly enough. But it's a good feeling. I like it here. Not so much that I don't want to return to Baylor, I'm just glad that I'll be returning instead of simply being there.

There is drama in Hinton, of course, just like there is everywhere. It's just that here it's so much more short-lived. And harmless. People get pissed at each other, but they're just as likely to forget about it by the next day as they are to say anything about it. But if they do say anything about it, it will be to this chain of events (occasional ommisions or additions occur, but the end result is usually the same):
1) They talk to their good friend, just to make sure they're not being ridiculous for being upset about whatever it is that's causing grief.
2) They ponder how best to say anything to the other person.
3) If they haven't forgotten about it already or had sufficient time to cool off enough not to care, they'll say the person, "Hey, I'm pissed. What's up with [blank]?" (obviously a paraphrase; edit as you please)

I suppose the reason for this is that Hinton is too small for people not to like each other. You don't have the option of simply not seeing somebody or avoiding them, because that would create way too much of a change in how you do things. You can't stop going to church just because you don't like somebody in the youth group. And once you're there, you will encounter this person. Same story with school. So when there's crap, you deal with it. It's the only option. People don't stew, because it just makes things worse.

I stew. Or rather, I have stewed (the word "stew" just lost meaning for me; too many consecutive uses, I reckon). Not about things here, but things at Baylor. When nobody in K-Psi called to ask why I didn't make it to retreat, I let it get to me. I let myself become glad I wasn't able to make it because I convinced myself that everybody in the group thought I was little punk and that they couldn't stand me. I imagined conversations around the campfire of people saying they were glad I wasn't there. But that was ridiculous. The fact of the matter is they were just having a good time where they were, and if they thought about my absence at all it was probably just in passing (ie, "Where's Carmack? Huh. Strange. Okay, next thought." kinda thing). When it came right down to it, my not being there just didn't affect anybody all that much. And that's really okay.

Nobody's out to get me. Not really. It's more accurate to say everybody is just watching out for themselves. Not in a bad, selfish way, they just want to be protected from the bad stuff. The drama. The breakups. The lying. The truth telling (but not the honest kind). There's a few people who feel like they have reason to dislike me, and they probably have a point, but in the end all they want to do is keep the bad stuff away from themselves. Sometimes they/I do that by pointing it in somebody else's direction; that's wrong, undoubtedly, but sometimes it's just so easy to justify.

To close us out, I have an excerpt from Damien Rice's "The Professor." This is off of his "B Sides" album, which is a much more raw collection of material than is his first CD ("O"). Don't tune it out, though; read it through and really think about the stuff being portrayed in his imagery. It's some cool stuff.

From The Professor (live version):

I don't know if I'm wrong, 'cause she's only just gone
Here's to another relationship bombed by my
Excellent breed of gamete disease
I'm sure when I'm older I'll know what that means

She cried when she should and laughed when she could
Here's to the man with his face in the mud
And an overcast play just takin' away
From the lovers in love at the center of stage

Lovin' is fine if you've plenty of time
For walking on stilts at the edge of your mind

----

It goes on. If you're intrigued, I enourage you to get on iTunes and downlod the song; but beware, it is not for sensitive ears. Like I said above, it's raw. But it's good stuff.

Okay, I'm out of stuff to say for now. I'm going to eat my lunch now before it gets cold.

Listening to - Speechless by Steven Curtis Chapman

Hey there, everybody.

So school's out and I'm back in the grand old land of Hinton, Oklahoma. And by God it's good to be back.

I'm sitting at Legacy Bank of Hinton right now, in between training to be a teller and shredding paper. I've got to say, I'm pretty excited about this summer. There's something that's just good about having a clear task in front of me and having a quick solution for it. If there's a customer in front of me, I deposit his money. If there's paper to be shredded, I shred it. If I have to drive to Duncan, I drive to Duncan. I don't have to write any papers, spend any time in a practice room, prepare documents for pledges or anything else of that nature. All I have to do is get up, go to the bank, and let somebody tell me what I'm supposed to do. I realize this sounds like I'm settling for being some kind of peon or underling, but after three years of people expecting me to be at 100% capacity all of the time (and whether they really were expecting that or not they certainly made me feel that way), it's nice to just be told what to do. And to top everything else off, I'm getting paid to do this. Paid well.

After shredding paper, I spent most of my morning observing the tellers in the drive through. Mostly this meant catching up on all of the various around-town gossip/happenings that I've missed ("so-and-so is married, such-and-such died of cancer," etc. etc.) in the three years that I've been gone while watching customers come through and trying to figure out from moment to moment what the tellers were doing. I think I learned a good bit of stuff, but then I'm sure when I start the online training is when I'll actually have a workable knowledge of the station. Should be fun times.

So I just checked my email address from Legacy Bank, which I hadn't checked since January 22 of 2003. In said email box, there were 51,260 unread email messages. So far, all of them have been spam, and I've only managed to delete 15,000 of them or so. This is taking a very long time. So while requests process on the server, I sit here and type. Exciting, no? I know.

It's been awhile; my apologies. I will attempt to summarize:

1. The mud cake was horrible. Absolutely wretched.

2. I realized around spring break that I absolutely could not take being in a Baylor choir anymore, so I used the fact that I was auditing to my advantage and stopped being in choir. If you feel like hearing an explanation, you are welcome to ask me.

3. I am absolutely, completely, and utterly burned out on all things school related. I love Baylor from the very bottom of my being and soul, and I know I'm in the major that will put me where I want to be. But the fact is that right now I absolutely hate music. To quote the Berstein piece, "I hate music, but I like to sing." So when my dad asked me what I was doing this summer, I automatically started thinking summer school, and so I said that's probably what I would do. But then he said the most beautiful thing I've ever heard:

"You know, you don't have to go to summer school."

Strangely enough, I had never really thought of that. Everybody in the music school takes summer school. Otherwise we don't graduate on time. But then I realized, I'm not going to graduate on time anyway, and my dad is sitting here telling me that it's okay. So I get to take the summer off. I'm getting a job, and it will be the best vacation I've ever had. Haven't heard back from any of the places I applied, but I also told them I wouldn't be able to start until May so it's possible (I'm hoping) that they're waiting until later in the month to call me. Just so long as somebody calls me, I'm fine... otherwise I will be living in Oklahoma working for Legacy Bank again. Not that I don't have a great deal of appreciation for Legacy Bank, I just feel like at this stage in my life it would be a step backwards to go and "work for dad." I also just don't want to live at home again. So yes... hopefully it will be a good summer.

4. I've missed my church. I've gotten very lax in my responsibilities at church; I haven't been since before Easter, and last week I actually forgot to stuff the information cards into the bulletins. The community pastor had to cover my butt by driving to Kinko's on Sunday morning and picking them up... believe me, I felt like a grade A piece of trash after I heard about that one. But I'm getting to bed early tonight, I'm feeling perfectly healthy, and the info cards have already been stuffed... I believe I'm set up to get back on the right track. Hopefully everybody isn't ticked at me.

5. I just got back from District Convention for K-Psi and Tau Beta in Norman, Oklahoma. 'Twas a good convention. I really enjoyed myself, and I'm glad I went. I need to keep going to things like this, because they remind me why I used to love K-Psi so much and why I wanted so badly to be successful at it when I was new. I'm still pretty firmly grounded in my decision to be a non-officer next semester, and I know that's probably going to receive two reactions, sometimes both existing in the same people.
a. People will get mad because it will seem like I'm being a bum, not pulling my weight
b. People will be relieved because I, irresponsible, disorganized, unreliable Carmack, will not be occupying an office
So I'm just going to have to be ready for that. I've spread myself too thin too many times, and hopefully I can trust my brothers to understand why I need to stay relatively uninvolved for the next little while. I'm sure my decision to be a "sub" in Courtside next year rather than a green or gold member will be met with similar feelings.

Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm completely overrating my importance in people's minds. It's entirely possible that folks just wouldn't really think that much about it; not because they don't care, just because it really doesn't change how they're going to live their lives and they won't see much point in investing anything into it. I guess I can't really say for certain, and I'll probably never know for sure. I'd ask people what they think, but because they're nice people there's no way they'd tell me the truth if it was in any way unpleasant.

6. Things with Michelle are going pretty well, for the most part. I'm going to continue to limit myself on posting superfluous "Carmack relationship" information here, simply because that never seems to go well for anybody. So I'll just leave at "things are fine."

-----

I don't know if that necessarily brings us up to date, but I'm kind of tired of typing now, so I'm going to bed. If you read all of this, then thanks; I appreciate it. Not because I crave attention (although I kind of do), but just because it's kind of neat to know that my thoughts are getting out to somebody who isn't me, my dad, or my significant other. Leave me a comment if you're up for it.

So I actually went out and bought ingredients today. I mean, we've always had food in our apartment, but it was always either sandwich supplies, frozen foods, chips, or things of that nature. I mean I bought ingredients. Flour. Sugar. Eggs. Adams Extract. I've now gone almost a year without these things, and to be honest I wouldn't have ever cared if Nate and I hadn't suddenly decided to bake a Mississippi Mud cake. So now I've got all of these baking supplies. Hooray.

And now that I've been in school for a week since spring break, Easter is now here. Again, I say hooray.

2337.4 miles traversed
133.2 gallons of gasoline
5 significant wipeouts
15 Red Bulls
1 Chincicle
20 usable photos
17 wonderful hours in the Dallas suburbs

I'm sure there's other things I could put... but I'll just stop here and say it was a great trip. Time for bed.

Today was... short.

I received my wake up call, as usual, at 6:00am. Normally, while I am here, I would hop out of my large motel bed and hop into the shower, ready to start my long day of snowboarding, but on this particular day I felt like doing something different. I thought, "I'm still sleepy... and I'm on vacation. Why would I deprive myself of sleep when I am totally within my rights to get an extra few hours? The mountain will still be there at noon."

So I stayed in bed. Until ten. And it was good.

I got up to the mountain and bought a half-day's ticket around about noon, and in the course of ten minutes ran into every single person I knew on the moutain. Daniel Cook, his girlfriend, the Worthleys and their crew, the Chaloners... everybody. It was crazy.

The weather wasn't as nice today, but that's okay. It was snowing, and that meant fresh powder... kind of. There were two inches of powder, and immediately under that was the same sheet of ice I spent yesterday trying to scrape my way across. But it was still a pretty fun day, and tomorrow promises to bring more of the same.

Also, Valentine's Day was exactly a month ago today. And that means I have a phone call to make. G'night, everybody.

[edit: Nov 23, 2010: don't read this, it's just a really boring story. I tried reading it and couldn't figure out why I had even typed it.]


Well, I am absolutely in love with Colorado all over again.

There is snow on the ground. Right over there. I could go over there right now, make a snowball, and throw it at somebody. I can take a picture of the mountains at sunset. I can WATCH THE SUN SET IN THE MOUNTAINS. But most importantly, more amazing than all of these things, I went snowboarding today. And as has always been the case, I had the time of my life.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The story of my trip to Colorado begins on Friday afternoon, with lunch. Michelle and I had made plans to have lunch together before we both left for our respective spring break destinations, hers being home and mine being the mountains. We had some excellent Quizo's, after which she helped me load my car. Not one to be outdone, I then helped her load her car. We had some time to spare, so we walked over to Starbucks in the Garage Mahal and I had my first ever Izze (ih-zee) fruit drink. Very tasty.

So anyway, we walked back to where both of us were parked, said our goodbyes and left for wherever it is the roads were meant to take us. I was supposed to stop in Hinton for a game night with a bunch of people I haven't seen in over a year (some of them longer), but when I got there Nate let me know that the game night had taken place the night before. This frustrated me greatly, as it added a very significant amount of time onto my trip, but in the end I wound up enjoying the night regardless. *shrugs* I dunno. I stayed on Nate's couch and slept better than I have in weeks, knowing that soon I would be Pagosa-bound.

And I was right. The next morning I woke up at 7:45 and talked to Nate's dad about the remodeling job they're doing on their house. After about ten minutes of this, I decided it was time to go; so I made some hot tea (at Mark's invitation), fixed myself up a bit, and I was on the road by 8:30am central standard time.

I was making some seriously good time, having only stopped once in between Hinton and Amarillo and showing no signs of needing to stop until New Mexico, when on the outskirts of Amarillo I passed Daniel Cook, fellow snowboarder and Baylor student. I knew Daniel was also bound for Wolf Creek. I waved to acknowledge the significance and coincedence of the situation, then promptly sped away towards my goal.

In about five minutes, he called and asked if I was stopping anywhere anytime soon, and I figured I might as well stop and say hello if they were stopping soon. Long story short, I ended up joining their caravan and taking on one of their passengers for the rest of the trip. 'Twas a fun trip, but I'm not a very chatty person when I drive, so I'm sure my passenger thought I was some kind of non-talkative creep or something. We got into Pagosa Springs around about 7:00 mountain time. Dang good time, if you ask me, and since you're reading this blog I highly suspect you might have asked me. Don't question me; I make the rules here.

Juan's Mountain Sports opened at 7:30 this morning, walked in, rented some boots, and headed for the mountain. I got in about four or five really great runs before I ran into the Chaloner family at the bottom of the lift. I spent the better part of the day alternating between running with them and breaking off by myself into the trees or just moving at a really fast pace. However, my poor, weak, out of shape body was not prepared for such a thing and now my legs are incredibly sore. Ow. I only went until 3:45 today, since this was my first day back and I've got four more. Don't want to wear myself out needlessly, because that would suck.

So I came back down the mountain, changed clothes, went back to Juan's to buy socks (yes... socks), and then sat outside of this internet cafe in order to hijack their wireless internet connection, which was easy because they seem to not mind people doing that.

So I don't take very many pictures when I go on trips, but regardless here's a link to a page I had iPhoto make for me because I am lazy. They are, for some reason, in reverse chronological order.

Link:
Trip Photos

I am leaving.

Today.

For snowboarding.

I'm goin' nuts.

[Spell your name backwards] kcamrac leahcim nhoj
[The story behind your screen name] johnmcarmack = my parents liked it
[What school do you go to?] Baylor University
[4 words to sum you up] charming, sophisticated, secret agent, full of crap (too many words)
[do you believe in love] Yeah.
[do you believe in soul mates] Not really, no.
[do you believe in love at first sight] Not so much.
[do you believe in forgivness] Not for you. Not unless you wash my car.
[if you could have any animal as a pet] Emu.
[what are 3 cities you wouldn't mind re-locating to?] Pagosa Springs, CO; Oklahoma City, OK; Omaha, NE
[whats something you wish you could understand better] Surveys.

In the Last 24 hours have you:
[cried] No.
[bought something] No. (for real... I love Hinton)
[gotten sick] No.
[slept] Yes.
[been kissed] No.
[felt stupid] Yeah.
[wanted to tell someone you love them but didnt] No.
[met someone new] Yes.
[talked to someone you have a crush on] No.
[hugged someone] Yes?
[fought with your parents] No.
[dreamed of someone you couldnt be with] Nope.

Social Life:
[friends] Many.
[b/f or g/f] Not really... I think.
[hobbies] Hot Dog vending, Mini Cooper hauling, money counting, etc.
[center of attention] I do not require that I be the center of attention, but I also refuse to be ignored. If I sense that I am being ignored, I will leave.
[would you rather be with your friends or on a date] Depends on the friends, depends on the date, and it depends when I saw who last. All things being equal, I'd probably rather be on a date.

Who:
[have you known the Longest] My parents.
[who do you always get along with] Nobody. You can get tired of anybody.
[makes you laugh the most] My conscience. Silly conscience.
[is the best dancer] Sarah Divelbiss
[does the stupidest stuff alone] Me.
[does the stupidest stuff with you] Nate.

Personal:
[who is your role model?]  You know, I guess it's my dad. How corny.
[have you cried over the opposite sex] Yeah.
[ever liked your best guy/ girl friend?]  Certainly not.
[do you want to get married] Yes.
[do you want kids] Two of them.
[do you believe you know the person you will marry?] Crap, I don't know. I gave up on trying to guess that one a long time ago.
[are you happy with you] Yeah.
[are you happy with your Life] Well, it's the only one I've got.

* my father thinks i am: Overworked and undermotivated
* my mother thinks i am: Couldn't tell you. Probably thinks I'm a jerk.
* my siblings think i am: Cool... I think. To be honest, I got no idea.
* my grandma thinks i am: She's not doing much thinking these days.
* my grandpa thinks i am: See previous.
* my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks i am: Distracting ;)
* my best friends thinks i am: Crap, I don't know.

* your three best qualities: Musical aptitude, friendly and outgoing personality, and something else nice
* three worst qualities: Tendency to procrastinate, I get very impatient with others when I start to get stressed, and an inability to respond to alarm clocks.
* three things you are often complimented for: Eye color, voice, and willingness to take on more and more work (although this is usually followed up by confusion at why said work isn't done yet)
* you get embarrassed when: I perform and it's obvious that I didn't prepare.
* makes you happy: Playing my guitar. It's cheesy, I know, but I can't be angry while I'm doing it.
* upsets you: Being in a discussion where it's obvious my input is being ignored.



yes or no:
* you keep a diary: If a blog counts, then I suppose I do.
* you like to cook: Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at it.
* you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Probably not. Not on purpose, anyhow.
* you fold your underwear: Yeah.
* you talk in your sleep: Don't think so.
* you set your watch a few minutes ahead: No.
* you bite your fingernails: Yep.
* you believe in love: Yep.



last:

* movie you rented: So I Married an Axe Murderer
* movie you bought: The Shawshank Redemption
* song you listened to: "Blood on the Coal" by the Folksmen (from A Mighty Wind)
* song you've downloaded: There Is No Rose of Such Virtue
* CD you bought: Damien Rice - O
* CD you listened to: The Lime CD by David Crowder Band
* person you've called: Nate
* person that's called you: Dad
* TV show you've watched: Freaks and Geeks
* person you were thinking of: Tall brunette bassoon player from the Dallas area. The name escapes me.



do:

* you wish you could live somewhere else: Complicated question disguised as a simple one. I want to live in lots of places. As for where I want to settle down eventually, there's pretty much no telling.
* you believe in online dating: Oh, I believe in it... it's real enough, after all. I'm not a fan of it, and I don't recommend it, but it's definitely there.
* others find you attractive: Some do, some don't. I don't think about it that much, honestly.
* you want more piercings: Nah.
* you want more tattoos: Not really. Five is enough.
(note: kidding. I only have four.)
(note: seriously, do you know me?)
* you drink: On occasion.
* you do drugs: Nah.
* you smoke: Nope.
* you like cleaning: While I'm doing it, yes. When I'm about to do it... hell no.
* you like roller coasters: Oh yes.
* you write in cursive or print: Print
* you carry a donor card: I have the little box checked on my license.

for or against:

* long distance relationships: I think they are tough, but i think that if the people care about each other enough, it can work out. I can tell you that I don't plan to do it again, and that I don't recommend it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
* using someone: Not a fan of it.
* suicide: Well, if I was for it, I probably wouldn't be writing this, would I?
* killing people: Okay, seriously, has anybody ever put "for" here? C'mon, now.
* teenage smoking: *shakes head* Smoking in general just isn't that smart. The occasional cigar, fine... but seriously. Bah.
* doing drugs: First off, I've never had drugs of any sort. Second, it would depend entirely on the drugs involved... I'm of the mindset that what people can do whatever they want to do as long as they don't put others in danger while they're doing it. If you want to fry your own noggin, be my guest. I just won't be doing it myself.
* premarital sex: Hmmm... again, complicated.
* driving drunk: Against.
* gay/lesbian relationships: Wow. Let's make some more things black and white, shall we? I'll say that I'm not necessarily in favor, but then I don't see how it's any worse than some of the stuff your average evangelical doesn't so much as bat an eye towards.
* soap operas: Against.

favorite:

* food: Italian in general.
* song: Whatever I'm learning on guitar at the moment.
* thing to do: Make a girl smile
* thing to talk about: A variety. No one topic really jumps out at me.
* sports: Table tennis
* drinks: Dr. Pepper, really good water, and the very occassional Smirnoff Twisted Raspberry. And yes, I know that's a "woman drink," but I like it. So leave my pansy drink alone.
* clothes: Jeans, converse shoes and a t-shirt. Although I do enjoy putting on the ol' slacks and dress shirt every once in awhile just for the heck of it.
* movies: Eternal Sunshine, Saved, lots and lots more
* band: Brave Saint Saturn (or Five Iron Frenzy)
* holiday: spring break... snowboarding...
* car: 2000 Ford Explorer

have you:

* ever cried over a boy/girl: ...yeah......
* ever lied to someone: Yes.
* ever been in a fist fight: Not in a very, very long time.
* ever been arrested: Nah.


what:

* shampoo do you use: Herbal Essences. I am machismo incarnate.
* perfume do you use: COLOGNE. Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren.
* shoes do you wear: Converse All-Stars... many colors
* are you scared of: Boredom

number:

* of times i have been in love: To date, for real... once.
* of times i have had my heart broken: Thrice.
* of hearts i have broken: Four.
* of people i've slept with: Holy crap.
* of people i consider my enemies: None.
* of people from high school that i stayed in contact with: Um... five? However many there are at Baylor.
* of CDs that i own: According to iTunes, 413. But those aren't actual CDs... just MP3s for the most part.
* of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: At Baylor, probably seven or eight. In Hinton, every week from the time I was born until sometime into my freshman year at Baylor.
* of things in my past that I regret: The latter half of June 2003... could have saved myself and some other folks a ton of hurt if I'd been smarter.

current mood: Mellow
current music: Delicate by Damien Rice

Holy crap, 2:00pm on Friday cannot get here soon enough. After the longest year ever, I'm finally going snowboarding again. I don't know if it can beat last year when I just decided at the last minute to go by myself, because that was about the coolest thing I think I've ever done. As far as true spontaniety goes, I have yet to top that trip.

But regardless, I'm stoked.

Well, it's all over. I've trained my pledges, and they all made it out alive. All that remains is initiation.

Congratulations, guys.

Listening to - the sound of my own typing. Soon I will be listening to my pillow.

I WOKE UP FOR CLASS! ON PURPOSE! WHEN I HAD PLANNED TO!

No snooze bar for this guy, no sir. You see, I discovered last night that I could use my iPod as an alarm clock. And so, by setting the iPod up to play a playlist of really good "wake up" songs, I was able to actually motivate myself to climb out of the futon and get the day started. This is beautiful; simply beautiful.

There's more to be said here, but I gotta go.

Currently listening to - Amplify by Roper

Yep.

*pause

Yep.

*final pause

Yeah... that was a good day.

Listening to - Christmas Song by Dave Matthews

Man, it's a complete music nerd kinda day.

After coming back from musicianship, I was feeling like I would need something to soothe me into sleep so that I could have a nap since I don't excpect I'll get much sleep this weekend. So I threw a few Beethoven sonatas into a playlist, and while I was at it I went ahead and downloaded the 7th symphony from iTunes. Not exactly the kind of thing most people just do on a whim, but like I said... music nerd. So I put on the music, lay down on the ol' futon, and rather than get any sleep, I lay and analyzed the music I'm listening to. Doh.

For any who may be intersted, the opening progression in Beethoven's 7th Symphony, Movment II is as follows: i - V - i - VII - III - II - ii - I - i - V - i

After taking it to the piano, I now can tell you that this progression is in the key of A minor. And I think I left a few chords out, but I'm going to stick with what I've got, primarily because nobody who is reading this really cares that much. But if you'd like to correct me, feel free to leave a comment and do so.

--

Anyway, it's kind of a dreary day outside today, but I kinda like it. And for the life of me, I've typed and erased about twenty sentences trying to say why I like it, but I just can't seem to peg it. Every once in awhile a dreary, cold, blustery day just seems like a pretty cool thing. *shrugs* I dunno.

I'm not such a fan of the beginning. Too much waiting, too much trepidation; all these rules in a game that I hate to think I'm actually pretty good at. Surely there was a time when people could be straightforward, just lay everything on the table, and from there have the opportunity to go for it or just walk away. Nobody gets any false hopes, there's no time spent on a needless pursuit, nobody gets led on, it's just somebody saying, "Hey, you're cool, you're cute, I like you, let's hang out." and the other person saying in complete honesty either, "Hey, I feel the same way. Yes, we should hang out." or "Nah. I don't like blondes/your taste in music offends me/I've read your blog and you're kinda creepy" etc. ad infinitum. Just seems like that would work out much, much better than the system we have in place today.

Listening to - Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 8 in C Minor ('Pathetique') Movement II. Adagio Cantabile

It's been a pleasant couple of days, I've got to say.

I went and got what was supposed to be a trim yesterday, but things got a little out of hand. You know, one thing led to another, the barber and I got to talking, whatever, and I walked out of there with what is (for me) some seriously short hair. I think the last time I had it cut this short would be sometime near the end of high school. I was kind of worried, because it used to be that whenever I got a haircut it would cause me to lose as many as three to four years in terms of the "how old does this kid look" factor. But I guess my face has aged a little, because nobody has said to me, "You look so young! You're so precious! Awwwww!" So, thank goodness for chin-fuzz, I reckon.

Also, I've had this problem this semester of turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. I keep telling myself I'm going to relocate the alarm clock to a different place in the room, but that doesn't solve the problem so much as it delays it a little bit. Maybe I could have Cozad hide an alarm clock or two somewhere in my room every night or something. He's cool like that, so he might be up for it. I dunno.

I'm not going to say too much about the stuff that people came here to see (ie, dirt, stories of John's social life, etc.), because in the past when I've done that I've just gone and gotten people mad. Can't have that. I will say that it's been a varied couple of months as well as a pretty pleasant week and a half or so.

I find it interesting how much easier it is to be creative when I'm not under the impression that I absolutely have to be. When I feel like I'm trying to impress somebody and I'm desperately racking my brain for something to do, I've nary an idea. On the other hand, when I'm more laid back and just kind of letting things take care of themselves, all of a sudden I'll see a nearly full bottle of Ginger Ale nearby and instantly a plan will formulate.

I've had a pimple on my lip for the past few days. Right where my trumpet is supposed to go. In addition to being a very, very gross thing for people to have to look at (sorry everybody), it's been a pretty painful experience. I am not a fan of acne of any sort. I'm going to put some more Clearasil on this sucker now.

Listening to - You Can't Handle This by Five Iron Frenzy (back to my ROOTS... good ol' Five Iron)

I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.
I will not get wrapped up in other people's drama, thereby creating more drama for myself.


There. That should take care of that little temptation. I wish everybody out there the best, and I hope in the end everybody is happy, but I've got to remember that I'm also friends with each side, and no matter how many times I want to say, "HOLY HELL, WHAT THE **** IS UP WITH THAT?" I must refrain and simply say, "They'll figure it out."

Listening to - Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds Five (for no particular reason; I just think it's a funny song)

Yee haw.

Must remember: I have a knack for screwing up. Don't do that.

Listening to - A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow by Mitch & Mickey (from A Mighty Wind)

Okay, so altogether it was a pretty good Valentine's day.

But when the first thing your date says is, "I think your hair is actually longer than mine," it probably means you need to look into getting a trim. Duly noted.

Dang, that was fun, though.

Listening to - Stream by the Dave Matthews Band (from Live at Luther College)

Wow. The gig last night was so much fun... I can't believe they actually are going to pay us for that. That's awesome and cool.

Just so I'll remember, our set list for the evening was as follows:

Me 'n My Gee-Tar Songs:
I'm Alright (Bebo Norman)
When the Rain Comes (Third Day)
Group Songs:
Within Your Love (Original)
The Hammer Holds (Bebo Norman)
His Name is Jesus (Original)
Reasons (Ryan Cabrera)
Grace Like Rain (??)
This World (Caedmon's Call)

Ben managed to get it on videotape, so I've now captured that to my PowerBook and can burn some DVDs for people who want them. Just send me an email and I'll hook you up. Keep in mind, there's no chapter markers or anything because I'm just using iDVD, so you actually have to do things like "fast-forward" and "rewind" to get to the songs you might want to hear. I was kind of bummed by that, because I'm lazy when I watch things on my telly, but I think it'll be okay.

And one last thing: the girl who went before us (Denise Hearn) was absolutely and completely BEAUTIFUL. And I'm not talking (just) about physical appearance... I mean her voice, her music, the lyrics to said music, etc. She played an amazing set; I can't tell you how nervous I was to go on after her with just my guitar. So intimidating. Anyway, go check out her website:
Denise Hearn

Listening to - Legacy by Denise Hearn

I haven't posted here in quite some time.

Not because I don't have anything interesting to say, mind you, or that my life has suddenly become boring, I just never seem to have the time/motivation to post while I'm in school.

I will say that I'm pretty excited.

I will also not say why. And I'll bet that it's not for the same reasons that you think.

Okay, I will say why. I've got this gig coming up on Thursday that should be pretty sweet. I'm rather looking forward to it. Me, Tony, George, and Melissa Skaar will be doing a few songs at the cafe at North Village. You should come.

Listening to: Girl She Used to Be by Spinaround

Pledging starts soon.

I'm crazy-excited about that one.

What a glorious day.

I mean, I know the Bears lost and all, but still... it's been a pretty dang good day. Bulletin stuffing, Arrested Development, rock climbing, Courtside, and now more racquetball, and then I'll fold laundry in between rounds of Dance Dance Revolution. I mean, dang. That's a good day.

Listening to - How Great by David Crowder

I think people just need something to talk about. I can't imagine that the things I do are really as interesting as everyone seems to think they are. I'm bored way too often for that to be the case.

Listening to - Absolutely nothing. It's deathly quiet in my apartment right now. Kind of eerie, in fact.

Wow. What a wonderful week.

The AIMS testing was great. I love aptitude tests... I mean, everybody's good at something, so it's not like you can just straight up fail. But not only that, it almost justifies you being bad at other things. For instance, I scored incredibly low in number memory. But that's okay; now I don't feel so bad about forgetting my own phone number sometimes. I'm just bad at that kind of thing.

Okay, maybe I don't need one more excuse to be bad at things, but it's nice to know that there are just certain things I'm not cut out to do. I'm cool with the fact that I'll never be a professional address book.

But of all of the documented careers, I mean hundreds of careers, maybe even thousands, of all the things I could be considered good at, all of the options they had, the test determined that my ideal career would be... (are you ready?) big surprise now...: Church Music.

Heh.
But hey, nothing like a little mental security that I'm doing what I should be doing.

Also, the Lady Bears beat the Lady Longhorns. Sic 'em. I love Bears. Especially Lady Bears.

"Texas is our Lex Luthor. We must destroy them." - Dr. Chris Bianco, director of the Baylor Courtside Players.

Listening to - Soldier Girl by the Polyphonic Spree

If it weren't funny, it'd be sad.

I seriously can't seem to get and keep myself on a normal time schedule. I was doing just fine until New Year's Eve, when I ended up staying up all night (again) and then sleeping all day the next day. On January 1st, I woke up at 6:00pm and headed over to Jaylene's with Farris to watch the rest of the Texas game (go Big XII!), and around about 12:30am I came back home and went to bed again. Then I woke up at 4:00am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I just read for a few hours, went to church, then I came back and took a nap that was supposed to last for an hour and a half but ended up lasting for nine hours. Crap. So there I was at 9:00pm wide awake. I went to Wal-Mart to buy some movies to watch. I got back around 11:00 (I took my time in Wal-Mart; lots of fun stuff there), and just as I'm about to start watching "Garden State" Farris walks in. Thank God. We sat around for a minute, and then just up and decided to rearrange my living room. Again, thank God; it was looking pretty ridiculous, because the setup we had was pretty much useful for playing Halo and nothing else. Now it's arranged in a much better "movie-watching" environment. And we got some really cool lamp-lighting from Wal-Mart. Lamps are cool.

So anyway, we're up until about 6:00am doing that, and he decided to go home and get some sleep. I'm still wired, so I decided to go ahead and watch "Garden State." I'm up until 11:00am perusing the special features on that DVD, then I end up falling asleep. Until 9:30pm. ARGH.

Now I've got to be in Dallas, awake, at 8:00am for this AIMs testing thing, and I'll have already been awake for eleven hours. It'll be like taking the ACT when you should be having dinner. Well, let's hope it goes well. I'm really hungry now.

Listening to - Wait, Wait, Wait by The Format

Okay, I think I'm good. I'm thinking I'll refrain from the self-deprecation for awhile now.

New Year's in Austin was a blast. I have this guilty pleasure of watching drunk people while remaining completely sober myself... it's so awesome. *laughs* Everybody is everybody else's friend while everybody's got their buzz going, and you've got to admit that it's just great to be around. I heard some of the best stories I've gotten from anybody in a long time; stories of fireworks blowing up in a field and having to go and put out the subsequent fires... hey, it may sound stupid to you, but dang it made a funny story.

I think Farris was worried that I wasn't enjoying myself. I've been that guy before; the guy who invited an outsider to join all of the good friends and then suddenly felt obligated to make sure the outsider didn't get bored, thereby preventing the inviter from really enjoying themselves. I made sure to let Farris know that he didn't need to be that guy; I can handle myself just fine in a group of unfamiliar faces. After that I think it was good. Although the hostess kept offering me beers... *laughs* she was sweet. I need to be sure to thank Farris again for having me come down there.

And after having watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the third time yesterday, and perusing the rest of the special features on the DVD, I have determined that if there were such a company as Lacuna Inc., then the movie would be the most realistic love story of all movie-dom. Even when a character has done something completely despicable, once you really consider where they're coming from you can almost completely understand their motivation (Elijah Wood's character, for instance, seems like quite the jerk if you don't really sypmathize with his plight).

And on that note, I have also discovered a new musical treat. A band called the Polyphonic Spree. You really should go their website. The Polyphonic Spree

Listening to - Two Thousand Places by the Polyphonic Spree