Man, I'm kinda moody sometimes. Those are some bitter entries back there. Please try not to step in the bitterness.

So I called Apple yesterday, and they had nothing to offer me in terms of fixing my computer aside from sending it back to California. So Cozad (who is awesome) went with me to the Apple store in Dallas in an attempt to get an Apple technician to look at it and give me a solution/diagnosis. They had nobody there who could help me, and they also let me know that my warranty had expired. Go figure.

We tried CompUSA, and they were no help either. So it was essentially a pointless trip to Dallas. But it did get me out of Waco for a few hours, and that was cool.

So now my PowerBook is at the Baylor computer repair shop awaiting help from a guy who was reading the iMac manual when I walked in. There is a three day wait right now, so I won't be seeing my computer until at least Tuesday. And even then there's not a very good chance I'll be getting my data back.

BUT

The Brian David Band is performing tonight, and it's going to be fantastic. So be there.

Listening to - Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie

My hard drive died today. This is bad. Very very bad.

If one more thing goes wrong today, I'm out. I'm done. Gas prices be damned, I'm going to Seattle. Or Boston. Or Denver. Wherever the crap I want to go that isn't here, where there's heat, school, broken computers, and mono-like illnesses. I'm desperately yearning for a last straw, but I'm terrified at the same time.

Now I have to fix my trumpet.

I started reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts last night.

And now I'm beginning to wonder, "What's keeping me at Baylor this semester? What would happen if I dropped all of my classes, packed up my Explorer, and disappeared until January?"

I know it sounds impulsive, but I'm giving this some serious thought. This illness has put me seriously behind in every one of my classes, and now I'm feeling completely swamped and a little afraid that I'm repeating the same mistakes I've made every semester so far at Baylor. The only thing I've ever done about this problem is panic and try to catch up, only to find that I'm too far behind and then have to settle for a very sub-par GPA. So what would happen if I just escaped? Ducked out?

Some problems:
No Baylor refund at this point. I have wasted a whole lot of money if I leave. All my classes would end up as "DP" or "DF" and I think a few teachers wouldn't understand why I'm leaving and would give me a "DF" (dropped failing).
I'm still pledging and would have to stop in mid-stream, probably not leaving very many friends in the process.
I would burn some bridges with marching band people.
Mrs. David would not be happy with me for leaving the handbell choir.

I probably won't do it. But I want to so badly. I just can't let everybody down. But then I think how I could just put my snowboard, my computer, and my clothes in my car, and just start driving north with no destination in mind. Lay my seats flat and get a nice sleeping bag. Just DRIVE for goodness sake, until I run out of money... no need to go above the speed limit, no destination or deadline to meet... it would be the first time in my life I would have real freedom. Probably the only time.

But I know I can't do it. I'm here, and here I will remain. And I can't do it in the spring because of Costa Rica, and I'll need to work next summer so that I can afford to do whatever it is I need to do in the fall... this will forever be a pipe dream.

I started this entry thinking I would do this and I just talked myself out of it. How depressing.

Rescue by the David Crowder Band

Today, I put my pants on both legs at once. I held them up a little ways in front of me, jumped into the legs and landed on the "knees" of the pants. I then jumped again and pulled the pants on the rest of the way. For some reason, I felt very empowered after having done this. If I had lucky rocketship underpants to wear, I would be pretty much unstoppable today. And if you can tell me where "lucky rocketship underpants" comes from, I'll give you a shiny quarter.

(phi mu)alphabetagammadeltaepsilonzetaetathetaiotakappa-
lambamunuxiomicronpirhosigmatauupsilonphichipsiomegaSIR!
*blows out match*

Listening to - Mars by Gustav Holt (recorded by the Berlin Philarhomnic, Herbert von Karajan conducting)

Okay, for real. This is the last time I'm talking about this.

The medical center at Baylor has no idea what I have/had. All they know is I don't have mono, and I don't have strep throat. I win ten dollars. Hooray ten dollars. So I'm just supposed to keep taking antibiotics and Advil for the next several days and hopefully symptoms won't come back. Which is fine with me.

Onto other things. Here's some fatastic things about this week:

On Monday night, I got to hear Donald Miller speak. Anybody who has spent significant time around me has probably heard me talk about this guy or his book (Blue Like Jazz). He's an amazing writer; give him a try, he'll blow you away. He came to Baylor this week, and on Monday he spoke in chapel and did a book reading in the SUB later that night. He read an essay about growing up without a father, and it was one of the funniest things I've heard in my life. It was great. I love that guy.

Shaun Groves was supposed to be in Waco today, but then there was a hurricane in Houston. He'll be here on November 4th instead. Mark your calendars.

David Crowder Band's CD release party is on Monday, and I heard them practicing today. It's going to be an outstanding show.

I had custard today, and it was good.

I like handbells.

People are having alcohol tonight, but I'm going to pass. I'm going to keep my health complications down to a minimum for now. No need to bring my liver into it when my spleen almost staged a revolt on Tuesday. The last thing I need is a bioligical mutiny.

Listening to - Do Not Move by the David Crowder Band

Some fun facts about my illness. This is the last you'll hear about it (until tomorrow when I find out what the diagnosis is).

Normally, one's white blood cell count is in between 4,000 and 11,000. Meaning 11,000 is above average; it's high. 11,000 is a lot.

Yesterday, my white blood cell count was measured at 26,600. So my immune system was kicking into super-high gear. The nurse who called me to tell me about the results seemed very impressed at my immune system, and even though I have no control whatsoever over that, I still felt a little proud.

While I was at health services yesterday, I had a fever of 103.5 degrees. This had me alternating between freezing and sweating all day. I was shivering while driving to Wal-Mart, even though it was in the nineties and I had the windows open. Later, while I was getting some doctor-prescribed bedrest, I produced enough sweat to soak through a pair of pajama pants, an undershirt, and my friggin' comforter. Seriously, it was like I had just taken the thing out of the washing machine, except instead of being springtime fresh it was sweaty and decidedly unfresh. If you're disgusted reading about it, then take the opportunity to realize that this story had to happen in order for it to be told. Needless to say, my night was not exactly improved.

So anyway, as I implied earlier, I don't know what I have yet. My blood test came back negative for mono, so that's a good thing. Right now they're thinking it's a bacterial infection of some kind, and my friend Kim is of the opinion that it's strain B of strep throat. There's ten dollars on the line, so I hope that she's wrong and I can win some cash off of this thing. That'd be sweet. And it would pay for my antibiotics!


Real quick, some bad news (just to preface the good news, thereby making for a light at the end of the tunnel): I still have a headache if I move too fast, and my throat is still sore enough to keep me from singing. I also can't get my appetite back, and that bugs me. I ordered some of my favorite food from Chili's today and could barely even start it. Frustrating.

On the much brighter side of things, my muscles and joints are no longer sore, my fever is gone, and I'm not confined to my bed anymore. This is all very good. I've spent most of my day inside anyway to avoid the heat, but having the option/energy to move around at all is pretty exciting after yesterday.

Thanks again for the comments/emails/IMs/facebook messages, everybody. I felt loved yesterday, that's for certain. You guys are great.

Okay, time to work on PowerPoint for church.

Listening to - A Beautiful Collision by the David Crowder Band

I hate being sick.

I realize that nobody likes being sick, so this is kind of an obvious statement to make to begin with. But really, I hate it. I feel like my body has failed me and I am now weaker as a person because my immune system couldn't handle whatever it is that has lodged itself into my body.

I get sick, on average, about once every year and a half or so. There's the occasional headache here and there, sure, and perhaps a few upset stomachs, but it's usually stuff I'm able to pull through without it affecting my daily life. But this morning, for the second time since I've been in college, I was incapacitated. I couldn't move without feeling a muscle or a joint complain bitterly about what I was forcing it to do. My throat felt as dry as the Sahara and as sore as an Aggie fan who is forced to admit defeat. My head was apparently having a bypass construced through it, and I was feeling every single workman tromp around in there with each successive throb. Altogether not a pleasant "how do you do" to start the day.

So I missed all of my classes today and went to the health center. They took two throat swabs and two blood samples. I was negative for Type A strep, and I'll find out tomorrow whether I have some other kind of strep or possibly mono.

Listening to - Foreverandever Etc. by the David Crowder Band

You know something sad?

I was doing my "rounds" just now, checking online journals. I checked my own blog for updates.

Oi.

Listening to - Till There Was You recorded by Etta Jones

Pretty much everywhere I went today, I was singing out loud. And everywhere I sang, people smiled. I'm not quite so egotistical as to think that they were smiling because they particularly enjoyed my voice or song selection, though. I think people just like it when somebody's singing.

Listening to - Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head recorded by Ben Folds

So I went to a wine and cheese get-together last night. Easily the weirdest party invitation I have ever received. And the people there drank a LOT of wine. Made for a fun evening, even if I only did have four glasses or so.

Also, my Lambrusco was gone in about twenty minutes. I guess it was a pretty popular choice. Hooray for me bringing a popular wine.

On another note, if you're a girl, and you think I've been hitting on you in the past couple of weeks and are now being awkward about it, I'm going to tell you right now that you're wrong. There's been a rash of weird girl behavior around me lately, and it's only been since I've stopped trying to pursue anybody. So give up on the idea that I'm stuck on you somehow, stop flattering yourself, and everybody just calm down a little bit. Right now pretty much everybody is safely in the "friends" camp, and if this starts to change, you'll figure it out pretty quick. I'm not a trap setter. If I like you, I'll pursue you outright. If I don't, I won't.

But enough about that. Here's a dancing Spider-Man:



Listening to - Delicate by Damien Rice

First off, thanks to all the people who have been responding to last week's entry and all of the encouraging stuff that's been thrown my way. I like to think I'm pretty self-sufficient most of the time, but the fact is I rely on the people around me way more than I allow myself to think. As was evidenced by last week's entry about loneliness. So the instant messages and comments have been appreciated.

In other news, the Brian David Band made the off-campus performance of After Dark. That was the news I was so excited about a while back but didn't want to ruin. The profits from the show will go to benefit Waco High's music program. So let's hear it for the kids. Everybody come and see us! The show will be on September 29th in the Hippodrome theater, so if you're going to be in Waco be sure to be there. It'll be fantastic.

On the topic of my brother, things are looking up a little bit there. Turns out he just had a really hectic week, and in the midst of him suddenly changing schools and commuting from Fort Worth, and my dad having his own stuff going on, the whole "letting John know about the arrangement" fell through the cracks. Moral of the story: it's not all about me. I really should have picked that up back when I was ten, like the rest of the well-adjusted world of happy and mature adults.

Okay, I'm laughing at myself a little bit right now after re-reading all of the stuff I've just typed. Apparently I've put myself in kind of a bad mood, because everything here tha was meant to be optimistic always manages to have a little raincloud trying to sneak into the sunshine. Good thing bedtime is coming.

As much as I'm not in the state of mind to pursue a relationship right now, I still wouldn't mind having somebody to cuddle with every now and again. Anybody need a cuddle buddy?

Listening to - Mess by Tristan Prettyman

Ed is an amazing show.

I'm still catching up on the episodes that I had my DVR box record over the summer, and I just finished the one recorded on June 10th.

This One

Now I really want to read Walden.

Listening to - Here Is Our King by David Crowder

I felt lonely today for the first time in a very long while.

I'm probably just being a tad bit oversensitive or something, but it was weird. If I had to speculate, it would be a combination of things including (but not limited to) the following:

1. I found out today that my older brother is a student at Truett Seminary and has been attending classes here in Waco for almost a week. I have received no phone call from my brother asking me what's up or if I would like to go to lunch or anything like that. Seriously, what is that?

2. For the first time in about five years, I am completely romantically unattached. I'm not pursuing (nor even really that interested in) anybody at the moment, my last relationship came to an effective end almost three months ago, and this is just strange for me. I imagine that this is probably a healthy thing, I'm just not sure what to make of it at the moment. So there's that.

3. Within the space of fifteen minutes, I went from being at an emotional high to having the base of said high ripped out from underneath me. I got off stage after our band's After Dark audition, feeling absolutely spectacular about our audition, and then after Farris and I finished unloading stuff at my apartment I was completely alone. I figured I'd have no problem finding somebody to do something with, but everywhere I turned people were either a) in bed, b)talking to their girlfriends on the phone, or c) not answering their phones. So the combination of these individuals being unavailable, through no fault of their own, caused me to come to a point where I suddenly felt like I was completely devoid of real relationships with my friends.

Obviously, this isn't true. As was evidenced by Nick IMing me when I got back, Cozad coming and talking to me for a half an hour before going to bed, and a few other folks dropping me a line regarding my away message. I've got friends, for some reason I just only have a few that I feel like I can call up whenever and ask them to do stuff with me. And most of them wouldn't have been up for a late night drive-and-chat anyway, so I just happened to be out of luck on this one occasion. Moral of the story? I should probably stop whining.

Oh, and I almost died on Wednesday. Seriously.

Listening to - Evaporated by Tristan Prettyman