Saturday, April 16, 2005

It's been awhile; my apologies. I will attempt to summarize:

1. The mud cake was horrible. Absolutely wretched.

2. I realized around spring break that I absolutely could not take being in a Baylor choir anymore, so I used the fact that I was auditing to my advantage and stopped being in choir. If you feel like hearing an explanation, you are welcome to ask me.

3. I am absolutely, completely, and utterly burned out on all things school related. I love Baylor from the very bottom of my being and soul, and I know I'm in the major that will put me where I want to be. But the fact is that right now I absolutely hate music. To quote the Berstein piece, "I hate music, but I like to sing." So when my dad asked me what I was doing this summer, I automatically started thinking summer school, and so I said that's probably what I would do. But then he said the most beautiful thing I've ever heard:

"You know, you don't have to go to summer school."

Strangely enough, I had never really thought of that. Everybody in the music school takes summer school. Otherwise we don't graduate on time. But then I realized, I'm not going to graduate on time anyway, and my dad is sitting here telling me that it's okay. So I get to take the summer off. I'm getting a job, and it will be the best vacation I've ever had. Haven't heard back from any of the places I applied, but I also told them I wouldn't be able to start until May so it's possible (I'm hoping) that they're waiting until later in the month to call me. Just so long as somebody calls me, I'm fine... otherwise I will be living in Oklahoma working for Legacy Bank again. Not that I don't have a great deal of appreciation for Legacy Bank, I just feel like at this stage in my life it would be a step backwards to go and "work for dad." I also just don't want to live at home again. So yes... hopefully it will be a good summer.

4. I've missed my church. I've gotten very lax in my responsibilities at church; I haven't been since before Easter, and last week I actually forgot to stuff the information cards into the bulletins. The community pastor had to cover my butt by driving to Kinko's on Sunday morning and picking them up... believe me, I felt like a grade A piece of trash after I heard about that one. But I'm getting to bed early tonight, I'm feeling perfectly healthy, and the info cards have already been stuffed... I believe I'm set up to get back on the right track. Hopefully everybody isn't ticked at me.

5. I just got back from District Convention for K-Psi and Tau Beta in Norman, Oklahoma. 'Twas a good convention. I really enjoyed myself, and I'm glad I went. I need to keep going to things like this, because they remind me why I used to love K-Psi so much and why I wanted so badly to be successful at it when I was new. I'm still pretty firmly grounded in my decision to be a non-officer next semester, and I know that's probably going to receive two reactions, sometimes both existing in the same people.
a. People will get mad because it will seem like I'm being a bum, not pulling my weight
b. People will be relieved because I, irresponsible, disorganized, unreliable Carmack, will not be occupying an office
So I'm just going to have to be ready for that. I've spread myself too thin too many times, and hopefully I can trust my brothers to understand why I need to stay relatively uninvolved for the next little while. I'm sure my decision to be a "sub" in Courtside next year rather than a green or gold member will be met with similar feelings.

Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm completely overrating my importance in people's minds. It's entirely possible that folks just wouldn't really think that much about it; not because they don't care, just because it really doesn't change how they're going to live their lives and they won't see much point in investing anything into it. I guess I can't really say for certain, and I'll probably never know for sure. I'd ask people what they think, but because they're nice people there's no way they'd tell me the truth if it was in any way unpleasant.

6. Things with Michelle are going pretty well, for the most part. I'm going to continue to limit myself on posting superfluous "Carmack relationship" information here, simply because that never seems to go well for anybody. So I'll just leave at "things are fine."

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I don't know if that necessarily brings us up to date, but I'm kind of tired of typing now, so I'm going to bed. If you read all of this, then thanks; I appreciate it. Not because I crave attention (although I kind of do), but just because it's kind of neat to know that my thoughts are getting out to somebody who isn't me, my dad, or my significant other. Leave me a comment if you're up for it.