Hey there, everybody. I know it's been a long time since I've made an entry worth reading, and thanks to everybody who took the time to say so. I know it's probably just my ego talking, but it makes me smile a little when people mention this thing to me; I'm glad people take the time to read it and I appreciate it when people show further interest by reminding me that it's time to update. So thanks, everybody who has had something to say on the subject. I really was happy to hear from you.

As you might be able to tell by the entry I made earlier today, I've been having a rough few weeks. The sudden and violent departure on Kyle's part is taking a kind of emotional toll on me, and more than anything else it's because I never took advantage of having him around. Every time somebody close to me (or even someone not so close to me) dies, I always wish I had taken the time to know them better or make their life easier. Last semester, when I was fighting the whole "depression" thing, I was constantly thinking about calling Kyle and never did. At the end of the summer, when I emailed him asking forgiveness for disappearing at the end of last semester, he was more than gracious and mentioned that I should have called him. He invited me to call him for counseling this fall if I felt it would be helpful. I wanted to. I kept meaning to do it, and it was always, "I'll do it next week," and now I'll never get to.

I cried again tonight for the first time since Joe's funeral this summer. It was at the brief "togetherness" meeting at FBC Waco tonight in memory of Kyle. I didn't lose control this time, and I didn't feel the need to scream. I just saw the same things I saw this summer, and I remembered all over again how much love can find its way to one person. There was warmth and affection in the room. There was regret that the accident had happened, and there was sadness that we would not see Kyle again in this liftime. We'll miss him.

I feel trite talking about my own health right now, but for some reason I'm also feeling like I should say something about it. Every since my entries about being sick in September, I have kept telling myself I was feeling better when in reality I was really just feeling somewhere in between "crummy" and "no good." This Friday my dad and I went to the emergency room and had me tested and poked for awhile, and this time my mono test came back positive. So I have mono, and have likely had it for about five weeks now. So now I know why I can never seem to get enough rest and why I've been waking up with headaches for well over a month. At least we've solved that little riddle.

I'm calling Dr. Harris tomorrow.

Listening to - Gloria by Brave Saint Saturn

Gloria in excelsis deo
Glory
Too weak to wonder
Too tired to care
Jesus Christ, are you really there?

I've fallen down
Can't pull myself back up
I'm going to drown
Have mercy
Have mercy

Gloria in excelsis deo
Glory
I need you now
Not words or a feeling
But Jesus Christ
I've hit the ceiling

Your Love
Your Mercy
Your Light unending
Your Hope
Your Peace
Your Strength my heart is mending

Gloria in excelsis deo
Gloria
Glory
Glory

Kyle... oh man...

Kyle Lake, pastor of UBC here in Waco (my church) passed away today after an accident involving an electrical shock during a baptism.

I don't know what I should be doing right now.

Kendall Payne is awesome, and so is Bebo Norman.

It's a good day.

Listening to - Superstar by Kendall Payne