I started reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts last night.

And now I'm beginning to wonder, "What's keeping me at Baylor this semester? What would happen if I dropped all of my classes, packed up my Explorer, and disappeared until January?"

I know it sounds impulsive, but I'm giving this some serious thought. This illness has put me seriously behind in every one of my classes, and now I'm feeling completely swamped and a little afraid that I'm repeating the same mistakes I've made every semester so far at Baylor. The only thing I've ever done about this problem is panic and try to catch up, only to find that I'm too far behind and then have to settle for a very sub-par GPA. So what would happen if I just escaped? Ducked out?

Some problems:
No Baylor refund at this point. I have wasted a whole lot of money if I leave. All my classes would end up as "DP" or "DF" and I think a few teachers wouldn't understand why I'm leaving and would give me a "DF" (dropped failing).
I'm still pledging and would have to stop in mid-stream, probably not leaving very many friends in the process.
I would burn some bridges with marching band people.
Mrs. David would not be happy with me for leaving the handbell choir.

I probably won't do it. But I want to so badly. I just can't let everybody down. But then I think how I could just put my snowboard, my computer, and my clothes in my car, and just start driving north with no destination in mind. Lay my seats flat and get a nice sleeping bag. Just DRIVE for goodness sake, until I run out of money... no need to go above the speed limit, no destination or deadline to meet... it would be the first time in my life I would have real freedom. Probably the only time.

But I know I can't do it. I'm here, and here I will remain. And I can't do it in the spring because of Costa Rica, and I'll need to work next summer so that I can afford to do whatever it is I need to do in the fall... this will forever be a pipe dream.

I started this entry thinking I would do this and I just talked myself out of it. How depressing.

Rescue by the David Crowder Band