Behold the history of Gauntlet Foilball.
Guantlet Foilball was a game that was borne out of a combination of boredom, competitiveness, and sadism. A large group of high-school aged guys (about 30, if I recall) had finished their third night at church camp, and we had been sent up to our bunks in order to start the process of not sleeping before we had to get up again the next day. Just like any other boys dorm, there was roughhousing, mostly in the form of pillowfights. That is, until somebody produced a ball.
A foil ball is an interesting thing, in that nobody is ever sure why they have decided to make one. But it is as certain as anything: whenever there is a group of teenagers eating in a cafeteria setting, if they are served baked potatoes, some guy is going to make a ball with the foil. In the event of two competing foil balls being made, sometimes they will merge or other times they will begin to rapidly compete for the remaining foil that has not yet made its way to the trash cans. This is completely up to the makers of the balls, but if we are to believe that bigger is, in fact, better, then it is obviously much wiser for the two collectors to combine their efforts than to divide them among a dwindling foil supply.
On this particular night, the cabin had been served baked potatoes, and the competing foil balls had been merged to make a rock-solid ball of foil, sized somewhere in the vicinity of a grapefruit. This was a perfect size for tucking into one's arm, like a football, and running around trying to get nowhere in particular while trying not to be hit with things. And this is exactly what happened, person after person getting tackled or hit with pillows, until eventually there was a cry for order in the chaos. Someone should make teams, it was said. So then they organized two teams of two, and each team would receive the ball for a time and begin trying to force their way through to the other side of the room. Again, not unlike a game of football.
However, those of us watching were bored. We were not chosen to be gladiators in this new and wonderful sport, but we still felt that participation was tantamount to our being able to enjoy our evening. So some people began grabbing their pillows and standing between the bunk beds, and whenever the brave warriors in the middle would come near, we would whack the crap out of them with our feather-filled mallets of doom. This would become known as the Gauntlet, and we as the Gaunleteers. It was a noble position indeed, and we considered it the highest of honors.
If you need help visualizing what's going on in this story, here is the playing field. Drawing is nowhere close to being to scale.
This first game lasted for only about fifteen minutes before the youth pastor came into the room and made us go to bed, but we were hooked. Just like Shekki and Ooga-Booga before it, Gauntlet Foilball had become a part of the canon of the FBC Hinton's youth group and was there to stay. We played the next night, and then the next, before we went home for the year and had only our memories to remind us.
Until, of course, the next summer when we made a movie about it. But that's a story for another day.
-Juan
1 comment:
I've never watched an episode of Lost, but I imagine that if it happened in real life, it wouldn't be long before someone made a ball out of something. A coconut? A roll of large leaves? I don't know. But isn't it just one of the great privileges and rites of being a male that you can make a ball and invent a game anytime anywhere?
Post a Comment