It's Not Morbid if You're Just Pontificating

I don't spend much time focusing on death. I acknowledge in my mind that it's something I'll face one day, almost certainly sooner than I would like, but other than that it's a topic that just doesn't cross my mind all that often. There's life to be lived right here and now, so to focus on the end of life rather than live it would seem to be a waste.

But every now and again (particularly after I've been watching Pushing Daisies or Six Feet Under) my mind does begin to drift that direction. I don't really think about how I'll die or anything like that, but I wonder what my funeral will be like. If I were to die mysteriously in my sleep tonight, who would speak at the memorial that would likely be held within the next week? Dave Fuller? Sam? How many people will go? Which (if any) of my ex-girlfriends would show up? Would my service be in Oklahoma, or in Waco? And if in Oklahoma, would it be in Hinton or OKC? Where would I ultimately be buried? What kind of music would be played, and how sincere would people be when they say things like "I'll miss him" to each other?

I remember overhearing a conversation between two people a few years back in which someone was explaining to the other person how at his church, they kept on file a "funeral plan" for when that person died. It contained an obituary as well as an order of service for their memorial, and a few other things which I can't seem to recall at the moment. They would update the file periodically, so if you were to suddenly die out of nowhere then your obituary would be up-to-date. This seemed to me then (and still seems to me now) to be fairly morbid. But I can't decide if I like or dislike the idea of having all of that planned out. People use the phrase, "that's what he/she would have wanted" pretty frequently, but honestly, I'll be gone and won't care all that much. The service would not be for me. It would be for those who are still here and want to say goodbye; am I really qualified to tell them how to do that? I'm not sure that I am.

I think, because I like to be in control of things, I can see myself making a document that would outline this (I haven't, but I can see myself doing it if I were in a state of mind similar to my current one). But I also think that my desire for those who love me to have the service they feel suits them best would prevent me from ever telling anybody about it... or even saving the document, really. I'd feel weird knowing it was there.

Apologies if this seems like a depressing topic. I'm not trying to bring anybody down, this is just the most interesting thought process I've had in the last few days and wanted to make sure I got it typed before it went away forever (or at least until I watched another episode of Pushing Daisies).

BUT... since I feel like making a list, I'm going to have some fun with this topic. Feel free to play along in the comments.

Top 5 Songs I'd Like to Have Played at My Funeral (in no particular order)
1. Gloria - braveSaintSaturn
2. Invictus - braveSaintSaturn (the title is misleading; the song has the exact opposite meaning from the poem of the same name; rather than being the "master of my fate" or "captain of my soul" it is a song of deference to God; very lovely)
3. On Distant Shores - Five Iron Frenzy
4. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
5. Waiting for My Real Life to Begin - Colin Hay

I'm going to return to attempting to sleep now. Have a good Wednesday, everybody.

Listening to - In Excelsis Deo by Roper